Of the 8 types of marriages ,the most common are love and arranged ones and even when matching is done it can still prove difficult because of past karma of the two parties and their families. Only Sadguru knows what you will experience and only He can show you the way to finish this karma. Now Santoshi shares her experience.
dattātrēya harēkr̥ṣṇa unmattānanda dāyaka ।
digambara munēbāla piśāca jñānasāgara ।।
My Marriage - how events unfolded.
After I had finished my studies, my parents wanted me to get married, although I was not really interested. So I was in a series of horoscope matching and pictures of prospective suitors. Finally, I got to know one person who also seemed to be interested in bhajans, and was vegetarian. We bonded, and got married after about six months. But it did not last, and it was only afterwards that I remembered there were signs and six sense that I ignored leading to marriage, but I had pushed it aside. My Dad had also strangely enough, told me then just before the wedding, that I should not feel obligated to go through with it, and that I could still cancel if I wished. Afterwards I was confused for a few days, realising that I was married.
Then Appaji came about a week later and told me to come to Mysore with my husband. I was happy about this, but after a bitter fight on the way, we reached Mysore, and I decided to try my best. However, sometime, ‘ my best’ was not enough. On our return from Mysore, try as I did, our relationship deteriorated, as I had to become very submissive, and could not express my thoughts. I had undergone different states of frustration and disappointment, then depression and soon, sure enough, physical illness with all the negativity I felt from my failing marriage. I felt my husband just did not care about me, and then I went from a state of submissiveness, to not caring about me, to being disinterested in everything. Totally giving up in life.
I started focusing on my career to distract myself from the marital situation, I also waited for everyone to sleep and I would cry in front of my Sadguru’s picture every day to heal my soul, and after several talks with my husband, he himself brought up the topic of divorce—and divorce it was eventually, by Guru’s Grace, after a few years of suffering silently inside. Divorce proceedings started, but I was by then physically sick with different kinds of negativity affecting my health.
Appaji was guiding me is every step of my life, there is always Appaji’s mms post and random people who reach out and share their experience to me. Datta Guru is constantly in my thought presence and I do strongly feel Appaji is communicating through them.
Peace at last
Then my journey into what really matters took over as I started to chant Lalita Sahasranam every day, then fasted for Devi. The first year I asked Devi for a child, the second year, the same thing—a child, but by the end of the third year, I prayed for peace and true happiness. I strongly feel Sri Appaji was responsible for my change from desire to detachment from this desire. He is like a catalyst, and sped up my karma with my ex, so it was finished in this life!
Visit to Australia—indirect guidance from Appaji
As my contract ended, I decided to go to Australia for His Sydney Opera House Meditation and Healing Concert. Before I went to see my Sadguru, I went backpacking and made friends with two elderly strangers . Through our conversations on marriage, relationships and family, I realise that Appaji had made it easy for me to get divorced as I had no children . I also realised that people could have different kinds of beautiful relationships without expectations.
Life-- --a training course from Sadguru
My divorce had been dragging on, but finally after the Healing Concert, I felt I was making progress back to my true self, where I could feel free from societal guilt, and obligations. When we let our emotions take control, we cannot progress. Appaji kept giving me guidance through MMS every day, and I grew from being depressed and sick owing to a toxic relationship, to realising that when I take refuge in Appaji, He is always with me, teaching me, whenever I remember Him, and I was doing this more and more, while cooking, singing at the top of my voice while driving, before, during and after any chores or job every day. It is like Bhagavad Gita teaches, every second, we need to do our duty, but give up attachment to desire and results of actions, have no expectations. Just as Appaji said, ‘Before you think, I know what you are thinking’.
Datta Jayanti Vision
In December 2015, after my divorce, I had a dream , where Appaji told me ‘Come to Ashram.’ I had forgotten about my desire to have a child, but some ‘vasana’ must have still been in my mind and the hurt about my marriage too. Anyway, I reached Mysore, and enjoyed the Tulabharam and everything. On the last day it was during Kakadarathi, and I saw Appaji changing into a small toddler, though He was still looking like Himself with long, white beard!
He was shrinking to a small size, and emotionally I felt He was a tiny child, a toddler! I was actually seeing Him as a toddler! I just started to cry with tears pouring down my cheeks, without me even knowing why! As I was telling my Mom about this vision a little later, the words in Appaji’s voice came suddenly into my mind, “ See Me as your child.” Without me asking, He had taken away completely my desire to have a baby. He knows what we need, especially what kind of healing we need. We do not have to even tell him anything!
Jaya Guru Datta Sri Guru Datta!
Thankful Pranams to You, Appaji, for being both my Sadguru and my ‘child’!
Santoshi
Photo Credit ;Avadootha Datta Peetham