God, please allow Him closer to me…
Updated: Sep 28, 2021
Originally from France he now lives and works in California. Aniruddha says that he has been privileged to be a devotee of Parama Poojya Sri Sri Sri Ganapathy Sachchidananda Swamiji since 1997. He took his first Kriya Yoga class in 2001 in Switzerland then again in Switzerland, India and California. Here he explains how he was transformed and the upheaval which took place.
I had met Sri Swamiji for the first time in Trinidad ( August1997) a few months ago. It had been a wonderful event in my life with many beautiful spiritual experiences happening while in Trinidad. I actually had been blessed even before meeting Swamiji physically as he had come many times into my dreams.
Even with all the blessings Sri Swamiji had bestowed on me, four months later on this Christmas Eve,1997, my mind was wavering like never before. One day I would experience the sweetest state of bliss, my mind completely aligned with Sri Swamiji’s energy; and the next day I would be so deep into doubts and confusion that I would seriously question my sanity following a so called “God Man”. In a nutshell, I was like on a big roller coaster with high and lows every other day….
On this Christmas eve 1997, I was in a very deep low, doubting very much Sri Swamiji and all the experiences I had been through. Needless to say it is with this feeling that I went to the midnight mass, an important Catholic tradition, with a group of friends. Having been raised Catholic, my only relationship to spirituality was through Jesus, “the so called Son of God”, and the Church.
I got in front of the Cross that evening after the mass was over, I found myself so much lost and distressed that I felt compelled to talking to Jesus and through him to God directly. I have to admit, I don’t usually talk to God like that but at this moment I felt like having this clear, direct and honest conversation.
The conversation went as follows: “ Please God listen to me: if this Swamiji is a son of yours, like Jesus, please allow him closer to me and help me understand him and clear my doubts; however if this Swamiji is a fake, please get me out of his influence as soon as possible”. Strangely enough, I felt some good relief after this short discussion with God…just as if He had taken some part of my pain.
However, the most important event happened the next day on Christmas Day. As I was waking up from a good night sleep, I sat on the side of my bed and started randomly looking at my feet…
…What a shock !!! These were not my feet anymore, these were Sri Swamiji’s Feet !!! Actually from the knee down to the feet, everything seemed to belong to Sri Swamiji !!! It is a very difficult feeling to describe. It was actually a very humbling experience to realize that part of my body had become Sri Swamiji’s. !!!
I can’t tell you the state of bliss I was in. I must have watched my/His feet for 30 minutes without blinking my eyes. Please understand that my ego was not involved, I was just observing this amazing fact. I wanted to take care of my/His feet and worship them. I had so much reverence for these feet, which were His feet now…
This feeling lasted for a good 2 hours including a long shower where I had this incredible experience of doing Abishekam to Sri Swamiji’s feet with so much love and reverence especially when I dried my/His feet out.
Then suddenly, the conversation I had with God in the church the day before came back into my mind…”if he is a son of yours, please allow him closer to me”…yes indeed God had answered my prayer in such a wonderful way !!! How much closer can He get to you after becoming your own body or rather you become His !!!
I cherished this wonderful experience for weeks thereafter; it did clear my mind from all the doubts and I felt Sri Swamiji’s Presence very close for a long time.
Deepest Gratitude to Sri Swamiji for this wonderful experience.
Sri Guru Datta